STRESS, STRESS, STRESS

OMG. Seriously. Life the last few months has been the biggest drag. So...My lease in Austin is up at the end of March and Derek and I are moving into his parents rent house in Gladewater. Yeah. I've been doubting this decision for a long time now. Derek and I fight all the time. He has such a shitty attitude 24/7. He plays x-box all day and he is literally the laziest person I have ever met in my life. If I ask him a question or have something important to tell him he completely ignores me, yet if I don't look up from my mail to look at the cool sports replay I'm ignoring him. I'm so curious as to how all this is going to work out. I went to a psychic (I know don't judge, it was a fun, curious thing) but she told me my relationship is a matter of convience which seems sooooooo true sometimes. I'm clearly here to cook, clean, do the laundry, pay the bills, etc.

So to catch up I moved to NYC in August, it lasted all of 4 weeks and then my best friend and I had a falling out because we couldn't find an apartment. I think everyday how I should have just toughed it out and how depressed I am with how Derek treats me. I would be so estatic if he told me one day for no reason how much I mean or how much he appreciates all I do. I really feel like we are both wasting our time, I just don't see us ever getting married.

No that I'm back in Texas I'm considering going back to school. It is looking like it is going to take me 2 years though. Bummer, but hopefully well worth it once I graduate. I'm considering Radiology. I guess now is as good a time as any since I won't have to pay rent. I can totally tough out the next two years to finish school. Alright, gotta wrap it up. I'll try and get back on soon.

NYC?

I lost my job this month. Which no one wants to lose their job...at the same time, this opens up a WHOLE new world of opportunities. This now means I have nothing tying me to Texas. Of course, my family is here, but I hardly get to see them anyway. It takes me 5 hours to drive home and it takes me 5 hours to fly home from NYC. So, essentially, I'd be just as close as far as time is concerned. I have my little Cooper, but I can take him with me. Derek is here, but he might as well not be. Our relationship has been without a pulse for a while now.

My friend Lindsay (and ex roommate - which I need to add, best roommate ever in there...) love NYC and I think she is pretty serious about the move as well. I just wish I could get things in order and get moved. The sooner the better. I need a clean break. I'm only young once, I only have one life, and I want to make the most of it. I have always been the type to follow my dreams and not give up. I don't want to give up on this. I've been given up on too much.

Catching up.............

AGAIN We are catching up. I'm not even sure the last time that I wrote. So...what is new. Well for starters I got a puppy on Saturday. He is a maltese and I named him Cooper. He is the most precious thing ever. Derek and I went and got him on Valentines day after a month of hint dropping and making lists of phone numbers. I am very fond of him right now, especially since he is the only one in the house that pays attention to me.

Derek and I moved in together last month. MISTAKE. Things are so different with us now. I'm not sure when the last time he hugged me or kissed me was. It gets lonely. A lot of times I think he'd be happier with out me and I should just leave. It is really like he could care less if I'm there. As long as he has his xbox he is fine. But then again, if I am gone, that means a messy house and no clean clothes.

We got in a fight after he had back surgery and it is almost like he hates me now. His mom stole his pain medication the day after his surgery. SERIOUSLY, what kind of a mother does that? Your son just had MAJOR surgery and is in pain and you steal medication from him. What the fuck?! Rather than be mad at her he has showered her with "Its okay" and "Don't worry about it" and "I love you." And due to his pain and lack of pain killers he took all his frustration out on me. Really?! If you want someone to bitch at, why don't you call your theiving, drug addicted mother and gripe her out.

I feel like I complain a lot too and it upsets me. I know I have a lot of bad things going on right now, but at the same time it could be way worse. I especially think about that when I think of my sister. Which if I haven't talked about that yet, I'll get into it. I could have some awful disease, I could be homeless, I could be disabled. There are a lot of things that could be worse. It is just hard to think about that when you are sad.

Tattoos and Body Piercings...and what?!

I decided today I am going to tell Derek I don't want to move in with him anymore. We were considering buying a house together in February, but it is way too much of a risk for me. Its been almost 10 months and our relationship is still rocky. Today I found out he has a match.com account. Wow, wasn't expecting that one. The biggest shock was seeing the girls he had as his "favorites." Complete opposite of me. Apparently he is into body piercings, tattoos, and erotica. That is what his profile says and all the girls looked dirty, covered in tattoos...a wee bit gothic if you will. Complete opposite of everything I am.

I used to get real down and depressed about the way I've been treated by guys in the past and even the things I've let Derek get away with now. But today I thought, maybe it is because I settle for less. Maybe it isn't that I am a girl that deserves to be treated like shit, but maybe I've only dated pieces of shit. I think I sell myself short. Sure, I'm no super model, I don't have a nobel prize, I come from an average family who drives fords. But I have a good heart, I care about people, I would do anything for those who I love. I'm would like to think I'm pretty smart, I'm a hard worker, I make sacrifices when need be. I'm not the kind of girl that is gonna run up the credit cards on stupid things, I take care of people, I clean, I cook, I do my best effort to satisfy him. I would never cross someone, break their heart, or worse. I am there when people need me.

I went out with my friend Melissa on Friday night and she said something that probably wasn't the biggest deal to her, but it meant a lot to me. She started telling a story about when she was in high school and went to a party an hour and a half away from our hometown with a friend. When she got up the next morning, her best friend had left her....there - in a strangers' house. Melissa called her friend only to be told "too bad, I had to go to work." Melissa said, she didn't even bother to wake me up or anything she just left me. And I called all my closest friends and no one would come get me....and then I called you, and you were there. I felt so grateful and lucky to have a friend like you that would be there when I really needed them. And then I thought, she is right...not many people go out of their way like I do. Not many people get trampled on over and over and still go out of their way.

Then I started to think even deeper. All night long we were getting hit on. Constantly, guy after guy asking to buy our drinks, asking to take me to dinner. Everytime I said, no I'm sorry, I'm married. Which I'm not, but I purchased a fake wedding ring to wear on occassions like this, it is usually a pretty good repelent. Yes, correct, I don't have a real ring, so I had to buy my own fake one. Anywho, I thought to myself this morning after seeing Derek's account....what would he do? Would he say, "Sorry, I have the best girlfriend in the world and she means everything to me..." (because he doesn't hesitate to tell me I am the world to him, but does he let others know how he feels...) or would he ask her to write down her number? I mean I really wonder... And obviously it wouldn't take a beauty queen to get the job done...he would probably bang whatever...I obviously found out he doesn't have much taste in women after scrolling through his favorites. Makes me feel better though, I don't feel near as fat as I used to.

Anyway, I guess I should probably start apartment hunting. That or see if the girls want to continue in our current house for a few more months. I was stupid to think moving in would be a good idea...I barely know the guy.

Sniff Sniff

Can you smell that? Wedding season. I have been to more weddings this summer alone than every wedding I've been to in my entire life combined. Everyone is getting hitched or engaged. Even the people I thought never had a shot at finding someone to marry, they are getting married. Kinda depressing really, being like 1 of the 4 single people in my entire graduating class. Oh well.

I went to a bachelorette party last weekend. Out of 13 girls I was the only one not married. Which I can't complain, I never intended on getting married anyway. The weird part is, the married women are the ones who are up grinding on 21 year olds and letting rich 50 year old men buy their drinks and cuddle up on them. How is it that I am the single one and I am the one sitting by myself at the table acting like I'm married. There isn't a ring on my finger and probably won't be for a good while, if at all.

I decided today I need to make a timeline for my life. I need to really figure things out and what direction I want to go in. I'm not getting any younger. My job is okay, but I can't really picture myself doing this for another 50 years. I need to win the lottery is what I need to do. I think I will work on that this afternoon. Stearing clear of the bouquet.

Crying again

You say you love me, but I know you don't
You say you'll be here forever, but I know you won't
When you look at me you see straight through
I wish I had your love and I wish it were true

Red flags repeat again and again
it is so redundant, its becoming a trend
Pain hurts deep down inside my soul
it is getting hard to hold back, hard to control

I thought with you it would be real
But instead I am punished for how I feel
I wish you loved me for who I am
But I know you don't give a damn

I am a person with feelings and a heart
you do not respect it, that is why I depart
I not just a body, not just someone to fuck
I am someone in love who has ran out of luck

Simple, corny, yet true

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”

Okay, I'm really cereal this time...

Okay, I KNOW how I said I am going to keep up with this thing. AND I don't. I'm sorry. I'm a liar. No, not really, but good news is I finally got my own laptop. Hallelujah!!! Okay....so time to catch up on the last 2 months. Hope you have a few hours....

Well, lets try and recap...where to start. To start off on a positive note I am FINALLY getting my promotions. As of next week, I will no longer be working for Bob or with Satan...I mean Nikki. Weird, why did my keys automatically type that? hmmm.
I will now be an internal recruiter and find account executives and other recruiters to work within our company. VERY EXCITING. I will have to move upstairs which I am sad about, but I will be working for Mike Starich who is incredibly awesome. He has gone out of his way so much to help me out, which I greatly appreciate. Bob is finally coming to terms with me leaving and I am looking for a replacement next week.

Which brings me to the next topic we finally replaced Holly, the dumb assistant that worked for Steve. Thank Jesus Christo! We hired a new girl named Marah, she fits in the office really well and we all like her a lot. In fact, she came over the other night for Feud & Food. I know, I know, you want to know what its all about. Okay, so, its the game Family Feud and we grilled out. Anyway, I knew I loved Marah when there was question asked: "Name something you apply for." She said welfare and it was on the board!!! Score.

Derek and I are doing ok. We have our days. I really do love him a lot and I hate bitching about him to other people because I don't want others to think bad of him. But it gets so frustrating holding it in. He is very protective of what I do. Example, I am actually on the phone with him right now and he is asking if I am doing anything tomorrow. For those of you who do not know, he works offshore 2 weeks on 2 weeks off. I don't know if he expects me to stay locked in my attic while he is gone or what. Anyway, I am meeting my friend Tyler for dinner tomorrow. Tyler is a GIRL and she was my sorority sister at SFA. He was giving me the 99 questions about her. Anyway, just stuff like that.

Seeing as how this is probably already 5743893280 pages long I am going to end for the night. But do not worry, I have some amazingly funny stories for tomorrow's installment like Operations Sweet Tooth and Nutella.

Good night to all and to all a good night.

And again...

And here I am again. Today I have decided I have seriously given up on love. I am never going to know the joy of being a wife or having children. It is the most depressing thing for me, because now really, what do I have to live for? To just work and be by myself for the rest of my life? I regret so much not doing things I've wanted to do. I should have stayed in NYC. I was so lonely while I was there, but I am going to be lonely anyway, so why not. Maybe I will move back once my lease is up. I should have spent more time with family and friends. And to my family and friends I apologize...if I have ever blown you off I am so sorry.

Too many times I have been lied to, walked on, and taken advantage of. I am so sick and so, so very tired. Everything I have ever wanted came crashing down in a matter of minutes and now I am going to be alone. Forever. It sucks, it really does, but its far less painful than being lied to. No wonder I'm going to die young, God knows I have nothing to live for in the first place.

Valentine's Shmalentines

Okay, I already know what you are going to say..."you are an ugly, fat, single, depressed, bitter girl." While the ugly and fat part may be true, I am not single, not depressed, okay...maybe a little bitter. Valentine's Day is such a crock. Guys hate it. Really, they do. Its just one more day when they have to shell out a lot of money so their significant other will keep giving up the goods. Think about it. When a girl does something for a guy for on Valentine's day they put thought and effort into it. Not guys. Guys go into the mini mart an hour...hell..5 minutes before they see the girl and get the last card they can find. You know the ones that read, "Sorry I missed your Bar Mitzvah, but Happy Valentine's Day!" Then they scribble some "I love you, you are my world" shit into it. And this is done if they even remember Valentine's day.

I know when a guy has then sense to ask what you want for Valentine's day a lot of us girls reply with a coy "Oh...nothing." Yeah right. I'll be the first to admit, I say that, but I don't mean it. And I know, I know. Girls are hard to read. But when you actually make effort even though you are thinking she doesn't care, it really is the best thing you can do. If you don't love her, don't lead her on to think you do. If you do love her, let her know. Most of all, more than telling her, show her. Make it known, you remembered and that she is special to you.

Making an effort in 2008.

And once again, I have taken a 3 month break from writing. I'm so bad about writing consistently on this thing. Well, a LOT has happened since I last wrote. For one, I'm in a relationship now. The Derek guy that I had just hung out with in the last entry is now my boyfriend. So weird to say, its the first serious relationship I have had in over 2 years. To be honest, sometimes I miss being single. Not because I want to date another guy or anything, its just weird to have to fit your plans around someone else. I adore Derek, he is so funny and we have a great time together, but I already have serious trust issues with him. Had I written more often I could tell you all about it, but it would take me so long to write about it at this point, so I'll skip the details and just say he has jumped on the lie train a few times. But as nice as I am I give him the benefit of a doubt and try to fix it. He pissed on my leg last weekend. Literally, he was drunk and woke up thinking he was in the bathroom, in my attempt to stop him from urinating, he when on my leg. I would like to think I am an exceptional girlfriend. I go out of my way a lot for someone I like, including ditching family and friends. Which in my past I have learned is not a good thing to do and I regret it greatly, but I still do it. We have already had issues like him telling me I can't talk to certain friends anymore, which leads me to believe in his opinion he can't just be friends with a girl. In that case, I'm a little suspicious of a few of his relationships with female friends. I am also very forgiving when it comes to things and I do not get pissed easily. Even when I am upset, I am very calm about it, yelling will get you know where. I like Derek a lot, hell, I love the guy, but I feel like I go out of my way and put in way more effort than he does which sucks. I feel like one day I am going to make a really good wife and mother. But I feel like I may never have the opportunity to do so. As I have aged I have tried to stand my ground a little more and not be such a push over. I honestly think I will never find someone who is going to give me all that I deserve in return. The sad part is, I am completely content with that. Who needs kids of their own? For one I have the most adorable nieces and nephews whom I love very, very much and they love their "Nana" so much in return. I have always heard that you love your kids more than anything, but that is so hard for me to imagine since I love these children so much. Secondly, I am so independent that I do not need anyone to take care of me. Its sad to imagine myself 50 and still single, but I think with relationships comes so much sadness and let downs that in the end, being lonely is worth it. Maybe some luck will come in 08.

There's no place like home

Well, this past weekend I went back to my hometown of Diana, TX. There really is nothing like being home. I love seeing familiar faces and talking to people I haven't seen in forever.

This was probably one of the best weekends I've had back home in a while. Its crazy because even to this day a lot of people think I'm still in NYC, but then I have to explain it was only an internship.

What brought me home was the Yamboree. The Yamboree is a festival for Sweet Potatoes. Yes, a sweet potato...a yam. They have a parade (aka ugly floats being pulled by ford trucks), a carnival (aka 6 rides that you fear might break because the carnies are too drunk to run them), and turkey legs and funnel cakes (disgusting and delicious all at once!)

When I got in town I spent a little bit of time with my mom and then went over to my friend Byrd's house. Everyone was drinking and playing washers. On Friday morning I took my two oldest nieces to the Yamboree (which was disappointing this year.) But I did see a sign on a children's ride that said "While on the ride: No Smoking, No Food or Drinks, and No Bare Feet." YOU KNOW its a problem if they are posting signs about it, I'm just saying. I had a carnie call me fat and said I was "too big" to ride on a carousel. At least I have all my teeth! And if he weren't on meth he'd probably be fat too! Stupid carnies!!

Friday night I met up with my new friend Derek and we rode 4 wheelers. We had an great time. I was even brave enough to let him ride up the steep hill, not once, but twice!! I went home took a shower and came back to pick him up and then we went to McCann. I saw SOO many people I hadn't seen in forever. And to be honest, that is one of my favorite things about coming home. I love hearing everyone yell "Sipes!!" and run up to me and give me a hug. It makes me feel special. I gotta give Derek props for being such a good sport, I felt like I didn't really get to hang out with him because people kept coming up to me. Finally we sat at a table and talked with another friend. Then once again off to Byrd's for some beer. After hours of hanging out, we finally left somewhere around 4am.

Saturday I went shopping with my sister-in-law for the kids' halloween costumes. That night I went to dinner with Derek. We had the most amazing sushi, saki, and conversation. Afterwards we headed to the Country Club for a birthday party. While there I kicked a little ace in washers, had a few drinks, and a few shots of Jack Daniels...which if you remember, isn't exactly my BFF. So I was ready to pass out stat! We went back to Byrd's house and I went to bed as soon as I got there. The next morning I was up and at 'em! I went and visited with my friend Julia for a while and then went and had dinner with Madre and my brother's family. Then it was back to Austin for a fun filled week of work. BLAH! I got home around 1:30am, but it was well worth it.

Yeah, being from a small town sucks sometimes, but there is no place like home. Especially when they have signs that tell you that you must wear shoes. And we wonder why Britney Spears is never at the Yamboree.

Cell phones are expensive....

So last night I went to a concert. Had fun, that was until drank too much, ate a lot of beans and coleslaw, and threw up. For anyone who knows me well, I mixed the beans and coleslaw together. Yeah, I know. Anyway, I managed to spill beer all over my phone so I am out of contact with the world it seems. I got a new phone through AT&T for $300. Yeah, they blow. I think from now on I'm gonna carry my phone in a fanny pack.

People Watching...

I love people watching. It's one of my favorite things to do. My favorite type of people watching is the he/she looks like fill in the celebrity. For example, "hey...see that guy right there, does he look like the best friend of the guy that held his nose a lot in Dazed and Confused. Yeah! Carl! That was his name!"

Last night while at the Charlie Robison concert we saw "Carl" from Dazed and Confused, "Christian Troy" from Nip/Tuck and, a mean old guy that looked like an overweight Ed Harris.

I also like to watch people just to see what they are like. There was this one guy and he was just the happiest thing in the world to be at that concert, he was singing and knew every word and was smiling and laughing. And there was also a group of WT, which I'm sure they are related to me somehow on my Dad's side of the family. haha But they were fun to watch because they were an enviroment unlike their own. Going to concerts is a great place to people watch because there are all breeds of people. So, if you are in a people watching mood, I suggest you head to a concert near you.

How Rude!

Stephanie from "Full House" said it best. "How Rude!"

Seriously, why the hell are people so rude? One incident today has got me fired up. Why be rude, especially when someone is trying to be nice to you.

This reminds me of another time I saw people being rude. It was while I was in New York City. There was this blind man trying to order food and find a seat in a crowded ass Burger King. It was totally obvious he was blind. NO ONE would help him and people were really rude to him when he accidently bumped into them. HE IS FUCKING BLIND! Don't you people have a heart. I was walking by the Burger King when I saw this. I felt so bad for this guy that I walked into the fast food chain and helped him find a seat. I also proceeded to open up his ketchup packages and make sure he had everything he need for his meal. Never in my life had I met anyone as grateful as that man.

My point is it takes 5 seconds and almost no effort to be nice. I think it takes more effort to be rude. Brighten someone's day, be nice, do one nice thing. And one more thing, don't be an a-hole on purpose, it will come back to haunt you.

Morticia Adams

Is there anything wrong with knowing what you would want done in the event that you pass away? I don't think so. I think its realistic. EVERYONE is going to die at some point. So why not make it easier on your friends and family and let them know what you want done in the event that you should pass on. One of my co-workers says I'm too young to have this kind of stuff planned out. Well, you never know when you last day is, so why not be prepared. Its not like I dwell on death. I'd rather not think about it, but it is a part of life. Trust me, I want to live as long as I can. I want to see my nieces and nephew grow up, graduate college, get married, and start families of their own.

On a less depressing note, my friend and I found a jewel of a bar last night. Its called Giddy Up. Its the trashiest little dive bar I've ever been to and we loved every minute of it. Everyone there has been going there the last 30 years of their life. Sunday nights are karaokee night. I sang a ton of songs from Country Legends such as Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings etc. It was a great time. I think I might become a Sunday night regular. Except I won't go back to my trailer and bitch at my alcoholic husband when I get there. So 2 thumbs up for Giddy Up.

No More Mr. Nice Guy.

Okay, enough is enough. I have decided that after this weekend I am going to stop being the nice person. I am going to stop letting people run over me. I am going to do what I want to do.

I had friends come in this weekend which I was excited about. That was until I felt like my house was just their hotel. I finally stood up to my friend and told her actions were not appreciated. There is so much more to the story that I just can't get in to.

Today I wrote an e-mail to a guy I once bought an airline ticket for. He called the night before his flight left and decided he wasn't coming anymore. Even though I was very pissed, I let it go. But I decided today that what he did was wrong. So, I wrote him an e-mail asking for my $300 back.

If I don't start sticking up for myself, no one will. Frankly, I'm tired of being run over, so I need to keep it from happening and stop sitting in the streets.

Sad to say, but no more mister nice guy.

Working for the weekend...

Well, its Thursday, but this has been the longest week known to man. I am so ready for this weekend and it can't get here fast enough. I have 2 friends from east Texas coming and I'm also meeting up with some friends to float the river. Should be fun.

I've been thinking a lot about an old friend of mine lately. We kinda had a falling out, which I'm not sure why. I say we were just friends, but in reality we were more. Now that I think about it, maybe he wasn't generally interested. Or maybe our timing was bad, because he moved and things ended. I started hanging out with another guy and then I moved and we were 1000's of miles apart. We talk very rarely, I think we made up, but then I'm not sure. At the very least I want to remain friends with him, but sometimes feel like that isn't what he wants. When I lived in NYC he called me all the time. Of course at that point I had "moved on" and was interested in my next failed attempt at a relationship, so I never answered the calls. It sucks, because I genuinely care for this guy, but the only time I ever hear from him anymore is in a random drunk dial. I've always heard you tell the truth when you are drunk, well if that is the case then why does he act like he hates me when he is sober? Is it a front he is putting on so that I won't know that he actually gets along with me. Is he trying to fool himself? Or am I just an idiot? Either way, it all sucks.

Why is it the one that you are interested in, is never interested in you?

Is it that, or by human nature, do we just like the chase? And everyone wonders why I vow to be single forever.

Long time, no talk.

Well, the previous entry was written over 8 months ago. Since that time I have moved back to Texas. I now live in Austin, TX. I'm adjusting to the town still. I came here because after leaving NYC I wanted to live in an actual city and not in a hick town. I chose Austin because I think it is a good mix of the city and the country. There is a lot of outdoor activities to do here which I enjoy.

Meeting people here has been strange. I quickly made friends with all of my co-workers. Anyone who knows me knows how outgoing I am, the problem is, I have not gone anywhere but work. It seems when I have meet people, they always end up being guys that turn clingy within 3 days. For example, the guy I met at the Keith Urban concert felt it was okay to call me 12 times in an 8 hour work day and then call me 6 times and text me 3 times between the hours of 2am-5am. He is Josh Beckett's pitching coach, but has to let it be known. He called me one night and asked if it was okay if he went and hung out at Jay-Z's house. First off, I know he was just name dropping and secondly, we went on one date, he creeped me out with his cling like nature and he shouldn't be asking me premission. And then there is the guy I met out while my friends and I were at a bar. He thought that inviting me to church after our first date was a good idea. While it actually went well, it was the next church event I attended with him that didn't. It was with the youth group at his church. Yes, the youth group. That group of 14-18 year old high school students that only go to youth group because their parents make them or they are only going because Sarah the prom queen goes and whatever she does is cool. Little do they know, Sarah the prom queen is making out with Dave the football quarterback in the choir room. Anyway, the group consists of "kids" age 14-17. The guy that I went with...well, he is 27. Little strange that he would be hanging with them right? Right. I had a horrible time and people were laying hands on me, which is their way of praying and it was just too much. The worst part was, their 24 year old youth pastor told us we couldn't take our own vehicle so we had to ride on a bus with them. Freaking nice. Anyway, after knowing this guy for a week, he decided to tell me he is in love with me. Figures. It always seems the one you want doesn't want you back and the ones you are not so much into are ready to marry you tomorrow.

Welcome! A little background....

Hi! Welcome to my "blog page." Well, I'm just your average girl from Texas. Well, born in Texas anyway. I was born in west Texas. A little town called Big Spring, Texas. I moved to east Texas when I was about 1 or 2. My disfunctional family moved to a small town called Diana. We moved here because my parents were having problems. My parents figured if we moved far away from my dad's mistress things might work out, but he just found a new one in the town we moved to. They ended up getting divorced months after we moved here. I am one of 5 children, the youngest at that. I have 3 older sisters and 1 older brother. My siblings are amazing people whom I love very much. It took a while for me to get close to them because they are so much older. It wasn't until I was in high school that I was very close with any of them. My oldest sister is 40, then the next is 37, then the next is 31. Then I have a brother who is 29. I am much younger and was an accident. I recently celebrated my 23rd birthday and have come to terms with the fact that I am getting old. I know what you are thinking....you are only 23. Everyone from my home town thinks differently. There girls get married at 18 and have 2 kids by the time they are 22. Infact, on my 23rd birthday my mom gave me the "Your biological clock is ticking speech." Maybe it is a good thing I am 23, single, and going nowhere fast when it comes to relationships. I live in New York City now. I intern here for Conan O'Brien. It is a good job. I have a met a lot of cool people and have enjoyed my time here.

Wow...I am really jumping topic to topic here. I should have started a blog a long time ago, but I've been so busy and I never have. That and the fact I probably shouldn't be putting all my feelings and thoughts to be read publicly on the internet. But, whatever. Too late. So my time in New York is windling down. I will be moving back to my small hometown in 6 days. I'm not sure that is the right decision, but there is nothing keeping me in New York. I do not have a paying job here and everything is overpriced. Especially apartments. I love Texas too. I miss my family and my friends. My brother has 4 kids. He was one of the people that got married young...like it's "supposed" to happen. He does have a set of twins though. I love his kids like my own and miss them very much. It will be good to get back and see everyone. It's going to be weird though. According to my mom and my brother, I am some what a "local celebrity." I am the girl that got out of small town, nowhere, TX and "made it big." My mom will go to the grocery store and people will come up to her asking how I am and if I like the city. They also say things like "she still up 'der wit that Co-Nan feller?" Yeah...that is a glimpse into my town. Well, I might be exaggerating a little, but there are a lot of people like that there. Suprisingly enough the town if full of preppy teenagers. Well, I have work to do now. Sorry to leave you hanging and sorry this is so long. We will continue tomorrow.