Tattoos and Body Piercings...and what?!

I decided today I am going to tell Derek I don't want to move in with him anymore. We were considering buying a house together in February, but it is way too much of a risk for me. Its been almost 10 months and our relationship is still rocky. Today I found out he has a match.com account. Wow, wasn't expecting that one. The biggest shock was seeing the girls he had as his "favorites." Complete opposite of me. Apparently he is into body piercings, tattoos, and erotica. That is what his profile says and all the girls looked dirty, covered in tattoos...a wee bit gothic if you will. Complete opposite of everything I am.

I used to get real down and depressed about the way I've been treated by guys in the past and even the things I've let Derek get away with now. But today I thought, maybe it is because I settle for less. Maybe it isn't that I am a girl that deserves to be treated like shit, but maybe I've only dated pieces of shit. I think I sell myself short. Sure, I'm no super model, I don't have a nobel prize, I come from an average family who drives fords. But I have a good heart, I care about people, I would do anything for those who I love. I'm would like to think I'm pretty smart, I'm a hard worker, I make sacrifices when need be. I'm not the kind of girl that is gonna run up the credit cards on stupid things, I take care of people, I clean, I cook, I do my best effort to satisfy him. I would never cross someone, break their heart, or worse. I am there when people need me.

I went out with my friend Melissa on Friday night and she said something that probably wasn't the biggest deal to her, but it meant a lot to me. She started telling a story about when she was in high school and went to a party an hour and a half away from our hometown with a friend. When she got up the next morning, her best friend had left her....there - in a strangers' house. Melissa called her friend only to be told "too bad, I had to go to work." Melissa said, she didn't even bother to wake me up or anything she just left me. And I called all my closest friends and no one would come get me....and then I called you, and you were there. I felt so grateful and lucky to have a friend like you that would be there when I really needed them. And then I thought, she is right...not many people go out of their way like I do. Not many people get trampled on over and over and still go out of their way.

Then I started to think even deeper. All night long we were getting hit on. Constantly, guy after guy asking to buy our drinks, asking to take me to dinner. Everytime I said, no I'm sorry, I'm married. Which I'm not, but I purchased a fake wedding ring to wear on occassions like this, it is usually a pretty good repelent. Yes, correct, I don't have a real ring, so I had to buy my own fake one. Anywho, I thought to myself this morning after seeing Derek's account....what would he do? Would he say, "Sorry, I have the best girlfriend in the world and she means everything to me..." (because he doesn't hesitate to tell me I am the world to him, but does he let others know how he feels...) or would he ask her to write down her number? I mean I really wonder... And obviously it wouldn't take a beauty queen to get the job done...he would probably bang whatever...I obviously found out he doesn't have much taste in women after scrolling through his favorites. Makes me feel better though, I don't feel near as fat as I used to.

Anyway, I guess I should probably start apartment hunting. That or see if the girls want to continue in our current house for a few more months. I was stupid to think moving in would be a good idea...I barely know the guy.