Sniff Sniff

Can you smell that? Wedding season. I have been to more weddings this summer alone than every wedding I've been to in my entire life combined. Everyone is getting hitched or engaged. Even the people I thought never had a shot at finding someone to marry, they are getting married. Kinda depressing really, being like 1 of the 4 single people in my entire graduating class. Oh well.

I went to a bachelorette party last weekend. Out of 13 girls I was the only one not married. Which I can't complain, I never intended on getting married anyway. The weird part is, the married women are the ones who are up grinding on 21 year olds and letting rich 50 year old men buy their drinks and cuddle up on them. How is it that I am the single one and I am the one sitting by myself at the table acting like I'm married. There isn't a ring on my finger and probably won't be for a good while, if at all.

I decided today I need to make a timeline for my life. I need to really figure things out and what direction I want to go in. I'm not getting any younger. My job is okay, but I can't really picture myself doing this for another 50 years. I need to win the lottery is what I need to do. I think I will work on that this afternoon. Stearing clear of the bouquet.

Crying again

You say you love me, but I know you don't
You say you'll be here forever, but I know you won't
When you look at me you see straight through
I wish I had your love and I wish it were true

Red flags repeat again and again
it is so redundant, its becoming a trend
Pain hurts deep down inside my soul
it is getting hard to hold back, hard to control

I thought with you it would be real
But instead I am punished for how I feel
I wish you loved me for who I am
But I know you don't give a damn

I am a person with feelings and a heart
you do not respect it, that is why I depart
I not just a body, not just someone to fuck
I am someone in love who has ran out of luck