Making an effort in 2008.

And once again, I have taken a 3 month break from writing. I'm so bad about writing consistently on this thing. Well, a LOT has happened since I last wrote. For one, I'm in a relationship now. The Derek guy that I had just hung out with in the last entry is now my boyfriend. So weird to say, its the first serious relationship I have had in over 2 years. To be honest, sometimes I miss being single. Not because I want to date another guy or anything, its just weird to have to fit your plans around someone else. I adore Derek, he is so funny and we have a great time together, but I already have serious trust issues with him. Had I written more often I could tell you all about it, but it would take me so long to write about it at this point, so I'll skip the details and just say he has jumped on the lie train a few times. But as nice as I am I give him the benefit of a doubt and try to fix it. He pissed on my leg last weekend. Literally, he was drunk and woke up thinking he was in the bathroom, in my attempt to stop him from urinating, he when on my leg. I would like to think I am an exceptional girlfriend. I go out of my way a lot for someone I like, including ditching family and friends. Which in my past I have learned is not a good thing to do and I regret it greatly, but I still do it. We have already had issues like him telling me I can't talk to certain friends anymore, which leads me to believe in his opinion he can't just be friends with a girl. In that case, I'm a little suspicious of a few of his relationships with female friends. I am also very forgiving when it comes to things and I do not get pissed easily. Even when I am upset, I am very calm about it, yelling will get you know where. I like Derek a lot, hell, I love the guy, but I feel like I go out of my way and put in way more effort than he does which sucks. I feel like one day I am going to make a really good wife and mother. But I feel like I may never have the opportunity to do so. As I have aged I have tried to stand my ground a little more and not be such a push over. I honestly think I will never find someone who is going to give me all that I deserve in return. The sad part is, I am completely content with that. Who needs kids of their own? For one I have the most adorable nieces and nephews whom I love very, very much and they love their "Nana" so much in return. I have always heard that you love your kids more than anything, but that is so hard for me to imagine since I love these children so much. Secondly, I am so independent that I do not need anyone to take care of me. Its sad to imagine myself 50 and still single, but I think with relationships comes so much sadness and let downs that in the end, being lonely is worth it. Maybe some luck will come in 08.